"Bad Ass Mofo": Denzel Washington

“I watched that cocksucker operate with impunity for over 10 years, and now I got him. The shit's chess, it ain't checkers.” Alonzo Harris Training Day

This weeks Bad Ass Mofo is Denzel Washington. This man can not make a bad film. Ever see Virtuosity? It’s a terrible film with Denzel and Russell Crowe where some computer guy made of every serial killer becomes real. Denzel beats his punk ass and made the movie watchable. And he loves shooting at shit. In so many films he packs heat. Training Day, Man On Fire, Book of Eli, and Inside Man to name a few. He don’t even need sight to scare the shit out of you.

"Did I get you?!"

In Training Day for which he got an Oscar he played Alonzo Harris, one of the most likeable assholes you will ever see in a film. He shot people in cold blood, stuck a pen down Snoop Dogg’s mouth to make him throw up crack, faked a search warrant and robbed Macy Gray, beat up a crackhead for telling him to suck his dick, made Ethan Hawke smoke angel dust, and put his woman on the side and her kid in danger. I think this was the last time Ethan Hawke was relevant.

"This is the last time your career will count, dog."

Denzel is one of those guys that can play a victim, killer, or smooth and you’ll believe him. He also has the record for almost making me cry twice during a movie (Antwone Fisher, John Q.). I also believe he’s one of those guys that can turn a straight man gay just by smiling. This man is almost 60 years old and looks better than me ever. I’d get jealous but I know better. He’d show up and get Glory on my ass and I don’t need that kinda stress in my life.